All hopes are lost

To a certain person:

Today, I spent some time alone with you, baring all my feelings for the the first time in four years out in whole. I thank you for listening, and apologize to you for scaring you by crying halfway.

I'm weak, I admit it.

For the first time, I think it's time for me to awake, though all along I'm stuck between the line dividing reality and thoughts.

I want to show them, that I am all that is important to me in the course of my life.

I want to show them, there is no need for me to look for a group of friends to encourage me because...

That group, is always beside me.
And you are one of them.

All these time, I had live my life through the mask of deception. All these time, I have certainly experienced bitterness and unfairness.

But that shall all end. I shall feel no more.

Today, I made myself promise: I will walk down the path that I chose. The path that no one else but I myself chose. No one shall be able to force me, nor shall they be able to make me.

I am the controllor of my life.

I remembered you told me, you have no idea why is it that we are hating everything now. I remembered I told you the reasons, my reasons. I guess by now, you understand partially what goes through my mind each time.

So many words to say, so many feelings to convey, so many hopes being placed in the words I write, yet, no one sees them, and instead, dismisses them as works of writing.

What can I say? I never did allow others to understand me. Perhaps, not ever. Even so, I made myself understands others, which is why I tried my best in understanding you.

Because you are special to me, being one of those that I can really trust my life me.
Because you allowed me to see that at least there is someone on this world that cares about me.
Because you gave me hope, when I had lost all of it with myself.

Never say you are bad at anything, because you are only making it come true by setting your mentality that way. Never say you are worst than me, you are far better. Never say you are afraid to dream, for dreams are the only way that in this havoc times, we can hide and curl up in pain and misery.

I want to make everyone lose hope in me.

I want to make them think I'm a failure.

And then,

I'm going to prove to them how wrong they can be.

I'm going to walk down the path with my strength and my strength alone.

I'm going to walk down the path, with you.

So never give up.

Never give up in your life!

I'll always be there, when you need, as and when.

I will exist, because you gave me the reason to live.

I will live, because I know there will be someone waiting for me, caring for me.

So please, do not think foolish thoughts about being sick so that others will care for you, because just like you, I want people to care for me, and have tried so hard it hurts, so much so I gave it up, but you changed it all.

Will you allow me to believe in you?

Will you allow me to hold on to the thought that you believe in me?

"Becase we have a life that belongs only to us alone, no one should walk it for us but walk it with us. "

That's what I believe in.